Friday, April 10, 2020

Couch Potato Sessions - Office Space

The first Christmas present that my husband gave me when we were dating was a boxed set of Office Space. It included a DVD, a mouse pad, a magnetic picture frame and the famous stapler. I could tell he was excited to give it to me and he promised me that I would appreciate the movie, but I was unenthused and I don’t think I hid my un-enthusiasm well (so ungrateful). The boxed set sat collecting dust on my bookshelf for years, until a day when I was home with nothing to do was in the mood to watch a movie. I finally pulled Office Space from the shelf and, Edward was right, I really enjoyed it.

Lately, Office Space has been on television quite frequently and after recent unfortunate office events of my own, I now have a complete and deep appreciation for this movie. Imagine busting your buns and being overlooked for everything you do. Imagine a coworker doing half of what you do yet receiving the recognition you deserve. Imagine a colleague who didn’t know you or your work ethic being given the power to make decisions on your future within the company. You can’t see me, but there are flames coming out of my nose as I write this. If you’ve ever had your office environment become unrecognizable; if you’ve ever landed in a place in which you were certain you didn’t belong; if you’ve ever experienced undeserving behavior in your workplace this movie will stand with you in solidarity - at least for eighty-nine minutes.

Friday, April 3, 2020

Couch Potato Sessions: The Invitation - Netflix

There isn’t much that I love more than throwing a party. My dinner parties have improved over the years in both menu options and bougieness - Pinterest is my downfall. The prep and planning can be so overwhelming and stressful, especially because I like to kill myself by cooking everything from scratch, but the results are always so rewarding! The house smells amazing, the food is delicious and my favorite people are with me enjoying the fruits of my labor.

One of my favorite authors, Bianca Sloane, recommended the movie, The Invitation, so Edward and I checked it out a few weeks ago. We didn’t know what to expect since the description is short and the trailer didn’t reveal much which was great for us. The more suspenseful the better. Although I loved the ambiance of this dinner party and I loved the house where the party was hosted, this is one dinner party I wouldn’t mind losing the invitation to. It was strange, uncomfortable and disturbing at times – BUT if Logan Marshal Green will be there, I would consider making an exception. 😉

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Couch Potato Sessions: Friends from College - Netflix

My friendships have always been extremely important to me. I cherish and value them deeply and the friendships that value and cherish me deeply have lasted decades. As we get older and life takes over, you tend to connect less often. Some friendships are strong enough to survive life’s evolutions and some aren’t. Although I still have very good friendships, the crowd I used to run with has dwindled dramatically. Life is a bit lonelier because of the decline, but my life has become so precious to me that I only have room for those who can roll with me as I am. I’m going through a lot of hard things and I need friends who can free me from myself with laughter, love and a little bit of wine never hurts.

On a day when I really needed a friend I went looking for some on Netflix and I found Friends from College. The comical yet dysfunctional dynamic they have with each other elevates their bond beyond friendship and makes them family. I related so much to different characters at various phases of their lives. I especially related to Episode 4 of Season 1 - it was like watching my life (verbatim) on screen. I 
love that they shot in New York. It made my friendship with these folks believable as they frequented streets, restaurants and clinics I’m very familiar with. I promise I really do have real life friends.

There are only two seasons of Friends from College, and although it doesn’t seem like they will, I really hope they shoot more seasons. I thought the series was awesome and amazing! (And I miss my friends.)

Monday, March 23, 2020

Couch Potato Sessions: Better Call Saul - AMC

Have you ever had someone ask you a question that was phrased as a polite inquiry, but was really asked with all intentions of getting all up in your business? Or have you ever been involved in a casual conversation that you later realized was a trap set by the other party who was just waiting for the right moment to walk you into a premeditated argument? I’ve had some interesting individuals in my life…

I’m never prepared for these situations and (after the fact) I ALWAYS think of the perfect comeback for how I should have responded. Some people are blessed with the amazing gift of answer evasion, or the ability to talk themselves out of an ambush. I am not one of those people.

One of the many reasons I love Better Call Saul is because I’m so impressed by this slick-talking, sleazy, slimy lawyer. Saul Goodman can talk himself out of any impossible, sticky situation; there are a few times in my life when I could have used a lawyer like him.

Better Call Saul is a (prequel) spin-off to Breaking Bad, but you don’t need to watch one to see the other. Better Call Saul airs on Monday nights on AMC, but you can binge watch the previous four seasons on Netflix.

Side note - The phone number on the business card is actually real.#itsallgoodman

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Couch Potato Sessions: The Outsider - HBO

My husband and I watch A LOT of television together. Our shared interest in movies and television shows isn’t healthy for the amount of time we spend on the couch. This ‘Self Isolation’, ‘Social Distancing’ situation certainly won’t help; Edward and I will surely be bingeing!

When Game of Thrones ended there wasn’t much that we bonded over watching on Sunday nights and I had to hear a lot of noise and grumbling about my trashy reality show addiction. Then came The Outsider! It’s dark, suspenseful, psychologically thrilling with a dash of supernatural. The season is over, but if you have HBO, catch up on demand!

Monday, July 1, 2019

All Things Work Together for Good

The fifth anniversary for the due date of my angel baby took place a few weeks ago. Although my intense feelings towards my loss have eased, I know I’ll never completely get over it. My due date is branded within me so an internal ‘ping’ goes off whenever that time of year rolls around. I can’t help but often wonder about that pregnancy loss and what my life would have been like had I not suffered a miscarriage. Instead of celebrating my child’s 5th birthday, I was gearing up for my 4th uterine surgery in hopes of rectifying the roadblocks that are preventing my multiple IVF cycles from ending with success.

As I walked towards the operating room, I felt scared. It took some effort to blink away my emotional heaviness and not embarrass myself by bursting into tears as the resident nurse made small talk with me about the weather.

I feel tired and beat up and honestly, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve been asking myself if a baby is really worth all of this trouble. Is it worth all of the synthetic hormones coursing through my body? Is it worth the mental and emotional disarray that hits me unexpectedly at times making me feel as if I’m losing a grip on my sanity? When I visualized my future, having a baby took place in a moment of passion, not with doctors, needles, surgeries and maddeningly insensitive commentary from those who just can’t understand.

I’m so exhausted and it’s a huge struggle to keep the faith when everything in front of me seems so impossible. On the other hand, my entire life has consisted of impossibilities miraculously coming to fruition - so I hold on to my history in an effort to motivate me through each step of this journey.

Although the miscarriage I suffered was one of my most awful experiences to date, my loss sparked a chain of wonderful events that led me to where I am today. And while these days I have quite a few tough moments, in the midst of it all I am quite happy!

I’ve accepted that “These are the days that must happen to me.” (I saw that quote at an antique shop I visited last summer in Asbury Park and brought it home with me). I sincerely believe that everything that happens in life, both good and bad is supposed to happen. There is a plan in place for my life, this is my path and all events are working together for a purpose.

Romans 8:28 - ... all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Forty and Forever a Work in Progress

I celebrated my 40th birthday two weeks ago and it was ah-maze-ing!! I danced so much that I’m just regaining the feeling in one of my big toes. Although there were threats of a winter storm, most of the people I love were able to make it. It was just the most fantastic time and I’m still on a high from all of the music, laughter and love. It might be the best party I’ve had, with the exception of my wedding, of course! (I lost the feeling in both of my big toes for that event).

I cannot believe I’m forty! Not because I’m depressed about it at all. I’m thrilled to be here! I’m in a better place in my life than I was when I was thirty and I’m also happier than I was when I was thirty. Also, I believe my anti-aging creams have been doing a good job so I think I’ve maintained pretty well – Ha! I can’t believe I’m forty because the time in between thirty and forty happened so quickly.

Although it feels like the years went by so swiftly, I feel like I’ve lived a few lives in the past decade. So many wonderful, terrible, scary yet awesome things have taken place during those ten years. And although so many things in my life have changed, at my core I’m still the same. When I was a teenager, I always searched beneath the surface of life to find meaning and direction in the words and the people that crossed my path. I thought that by now I would have everything figured out. I don’t and I’ve come to realize and accept that I never will, and that’s ok.

I’m Still a Mental Case

My mind is like a web of constant thoughts and words all intersecting and colliding with each other, so it’s never quiet up there. I’m a thinker, an analyzer and I process and dissect every-damn-thing! I used to think that something was wrong with me for being this way, but after meeting a host of people who see beyond what’s in front of them, I realize that it’s ok to have some depth. I’ve finally accepted that I will always be this way; always looking to the Bible, books, people and psychology and taking the things from those resources that educate, uplift and help me to evolve into a better person.

Nothing Really Matters

I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a hot flash of panic about something at work, something that has gone wrong in an IVF cycle, the list can go on... The anxiety, the tears, the palpitations, the mental torment are all so unhealthy and so unnecessary. In the moment it feels like my world is ending, but when I look back on those panicked moments a week, a month or a year later it all comes down to nothing.

I’m working on keeping calm – it will be a lengthy process.

Standing Up for Me

I’m not always good at it, but I’m learning to stand up for myself. It’s amazing how far people will try to push you if you allow them. I haven’t always been good at teaching people how to treat me, but I’ve gotten a lot better at it. Knowing your worth is beneficial in all relationships and can save you a great deal of head and heartache in the end.

If I can give respect to those around me, I deserve to receive that same respect in return. It sounds simple enough, but anyone who has been involved with people knows that it doesn’t always work that way.

I’m working on demanding the respect I deserve. Even if my heart shakes and I burst into tears while I’m demanding it.

Trusting my Gut

I’ve made so many excuses and allowances for questionable behavior and walked myself into many situations that I should have steered clear of. My naivety and ‘benefit of the doubt’ mentality have gotten me into more issues than I care to admit. When something, isn’t right you have an inkling in your gut that you can’t shake.

I haven’t always followed those inklings, but I now act faster when I pick up on those red flags. I’m getting better at trusting myself.

God’s Timing is Divine

Turning forty and not being a mother is heart wrenching for me. Although I have been through a lot, God has always been faithful to me. When I look at how far I have come in the past decade, there are so many impossible situations that I have overcome. I’m not the best Christian, but God’s grace has always covered me. God has always made a way out of no way. The answers to my prayers haven’t always come when I’ve wanted them to, but the timing has always been on point.

Life’s hurdles are unpleasant, but they are also character building. My life is pretty boring so these peaks and valleys add a touch of flair and pizzazz. At least that's how I choose to look at it.

It’s Never Too Late

I’m in a constant battle with myself not to give up on my creativity. I don’t have as much time and energy as I used to and I’ve allowed life to get in the way of a lot of the projects that I want to see through. Although it has become difficult to live a balanced life and keep my creativity alive, I won’t give up and I won’t give in no matter how long it takes me to complete the projects swimming around in my head. My determination always forces me to finish what I start, it just might take me a bit longer than it used to.

I’m going to write more blogs, I’m going to finish all of my knitting projects, I’m going to finish writing that book even if it takes me a few years and I’m going to dance because it fills me with life.

My mother-in-law who is in her seventies dances and performs (#goals) and if she’s shown me anything, it’s not to limit myself because of time, age or for any other reason that my self doubt is giving me. 


Even though I don’t have it all together at forty, I’m settled where it counts. I’m imperfect, but I’m honest, transparent, and a decent human being and for that I’m very proud of the woman I’ve become.

Life is about learning, reflecting and evolving. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past decade and I’m excited to see where the next decade is going to take me.