Wednesday, August 17, 2011

10 Day You Challenge - Day Three: Eight Fears

1.  I’m afraid of not having a family and I’m also afraid of having a family. I thought that I would already be a mom but when I think about everything that motherhood requires I feel relieved that I’m not a mom at this moment. Society can tell you that there is no rush, but the truth is that women do have a cut off time. Plus, I don’t want to be an old ass mom, but that just might have to be the way it happens. When I think about Christmas and how much I like to feed people, I know I want a family. Christmas and feeding people might not make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me.

2.  I’m scared of my mom. I don’t care if I’m 32, she still scares me. Fear isn’t really what I feel towards her, maybe it’s more of a boundary thing. There are some people who have a relationship with their moms where they talk about sex and all types of scandalous topics. I can tell my mom just about anything, but there are just some things I will not discuss with my mom, because she is my mom.

3.  I’m afraid of people because they are unpredictable. With me what you see is what you get. Being that way makes me naïve because I think others are that way too. But I’ve learned the hard way that it isn’t so.

4.  I am afraid of cockroaches (the big ones that fly). I HATE them!! I have a chapter in Undies in a Bunch about just how much I hate them. I know I am a thousand times bigger than they are, but they set off an insanity switch of fear in me.

5.  Natural elements scare me. A strong, gusty wind and thick, dark clouds during a rain storm are all components (in my head) for a potential tornado. I’ve watched way too many National Geographical tornado chasing and natural disaster shows so I’m always on the lookout for a tornado, an earthquake, a tsunami…all things I have absolutely no control over, but I’m on the lookout nonetheless. Lightening also scares the crap out of me. It should be the other way around where thunder scares me, but thunder can’t kill you; Lightening can. And although I fear them, I’m also fascinated by it all.

6.  Life and death scare me because life can be so extinguishable. One minute someone you love can be here and the next they can be gone. And you just never know when. I’m blessed not to have lost anyone close to me, but I worry about death all the time. For others and for myself. I’m healthy, but all it takes is being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or a health issue that suddenly creeps up on you and that’s it. You’re finished on this earth and you’re not coming back. But death is a part of life. It’s going to happen some time.

7.  I’m afraid of flying and of heights. The fact that there is nothing beneath me while I am on a plane makes my legs weak. I hold my breath every time there is a shake of turbulence. Once the plane takes off I relax a little. Not totally, but enough to fall asleep or enjoy a movie, but I never fully relax until I’ve landed.

8.  My dentist scares me. I’ve been going to her for ten years and I’ve always loved her. But the last time I went to her she tried to do a filling without giving me novocain. I don’t know why she would do something like this if she’s always used novocain in her relationship with me. She explained that the cavity was not deep and that I wouldn’t need the Novocain. I could feel what she was doing so I made her give it to me, but I haven’t been back since.

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