Monday, April 2, 2012

Falling into Place (e-Book)

My first book, Falling into Place, is now available to download on Amazon Kindle, B&N Nook and any other e-Book downloading device that is available nowadays.

I began writing Falling into Place when I was twenty-two years old. Sitting on the steps of St. Bartholomew Church on Park Avenue, I spent my lunch hour writing random stories and poems not realizing that they all became chapters that, when stacked in the correct order, created a book.

At the time I didn’t have as many connections with wonderful people as I do today so the production process wasn’t as fantastic as it was with Undies in a Bunch. I didn’t have T.Zap to create an awesome book cover and I didn’t have Edward to read and reread and reread and reread and give his constructive criticism as he did for me with UIAB so there are errors. Nevertheless, I learned from the errors and the production process which helped UIAB become all that it is.

About the book:

Falling into Place is a coming of age novel depicting the deterioration of a mother–daughter relationship. In Falling into Place, Leila, the main character, struggles to rebuild herself, forgive and end the cycle that has plagued her broken family from one generation to another.

About me and the book:

Falling into Place is tooootally based on my life. My teen years were a very dark period and to write this book, I had to go back and visit those dark days to make the story feel current as I was telling it to you.

Life as a teenager is confusing enough with its roller coaster of emotions, but when you don’t receive the love and support that you need in those formative years, life can be cold and isolating.

I wrote Falling into Place partially for those in situations that might seem hopeless. I wanted to let them know that abuse doesn’t always look the way people expect it to look. Abuse isn’t always physical. Abuse is mind-twisting, emotional, verbal and painful. Abuse is egotistical, prideful, dark and ugly. Abuse cannot always be seen, but it is always stabbingly penetrating. And its effects can linger and linger and linger…

Because I was so young at the time, some people didn’t believe me when I told them what I was going through. They just assumed I was a typical teenager in my rebellious stage; but I was a good kid trying to make the best out of what seemed like an impossible situation. Sometimes the only way I could get a sliver of freedom; of release was to tell lies. I am not a liar, but I would lie just so that I could have a free moment to myself and so that I didn’t have to go home. I would sometimes sit in the staircase of my building, a few floors above my apartment, because I didn’t want to go home. Home should be your comfort and your safe haven, but that was the last place I wanted to be.

When I turned nineteen, I’d finally had enough. I packed up and left even though I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do. I just knew that the life I was living wasn’t normal. I was on a lock-down so intense that it left no room for me to breathe and I was tired of getting slapped around.

It was a scary, scary time; and although some of my friends didn’t believe me, or didn’t understand the extent to which my home life had gotten, they still rallied around to help me. If it wasn’t for them and for other angels who fell into my life, offering me shoulders, ears, hugs, laughter and opportunities, I don’t know what I would have done.

(deep breath to clear the choking-up-ness)

The reason I got out of that situation was because I knew that the way I lived, was no way for anyone to live. There are some cats and dogs who were treated better than the way I was treated at that time. BUT on the flip side, I am the woman I am today because of what I went through. I am a strong, compassionate, loving, decent person who has a lot of fight in her.

I’m actually a little scared to post this because no one ever wants to say bad things about their family. My family contains good people, but sometimes, there are behaviors that take place which I don’t understand and cannot agree with. My biggest hope is that the cycle ends and doesn’t trickle down into yet another generation.

I’d like to give a big thank you to those who supported, encouraged and had faith in me when Falling into Place was born.  

~Louise C.
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

1 comment:

  1. I want to reserve the right to return to comment on this posting, because now I can only muster the words, "Whoa"! I am saddened by your experience, but amazed by your survival. There are those who have gone through less, and didn't make it to the other side. But I am reminded of my favorite quote to live by, "the only way out is through" - how grateful and proud I am of you that you made it through. Beyond your great book, your story should be shared with the many young woman (and men) who struggle, wondering how or if they're going to make it. They need to know that with determination and God's grace - somehow they can make it through!