Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dreams...

In the heaven in my dreams,
there is a mansion surrounded by lawns, vast, wide and lush with green
and sing-song chirping notes falling with the breeze.
In this mansion, there is a sun absorbing balcony
reserved for laughter, peace, wine and decedent delicacies
that dance on the palette
and flavor the soul.
In the heaven in my dreams,
there are dances on beaches loose, wild and free.
Sore muscles in the stomach and the cheeks
from the overflow of giddiness in play.
In the heaven in my dreams,
there is love and love and love without fear and caution.
Love only with pure unhinged abandon,
deep fulfilling solace
and over-pouring vein filling warmth.

In the hell in my dreams, there is no rest.
Only searching searching unfulfilled and unending exhaustion.
There are streets of dark emptiness that never supply what is required.
There is sun, burning deep orange with a halo of red.
A dark sun that never sets and offers no relief in the night.
There are beaches, not beautiful,
with dark, wet, clumped sand and trash thrown astray.
Crowded beaches radiating with longing and agony
from no alleviation from the burning sea.
There are masses and masses of people.
But no dancing, no laughter and no peace.
Only fear and unrest.
Tears and sorrow.
Loneliness and yearning.
Even though it is crowded, there is no one who can take the suffering away.

_________

Sometimes in my dreams, I end up in the same place. Sometimes it’s the opposite end of a block I am familiar with, and although it looks different each time, I know it is the same.

In the dreams that inspired the above, I step out of the airport with plans to go to the beach, but I am greeted with chaos. The beach is packed and uninviting and the sun looks all wrong. It’s scary and much too close to the earth.

In another dream I end up near the same beach, (I can see the beach, but I’m a few blocks away). Instead of walking towards the beach, I end up walking on a store front lined street looking for… something. I keep entering stores and leaving and going into another store and while I’m walking it gets dark, but I never turn around to go back to the beach which was where I intended to go in the first place.

In those dreams, the plan is always to go on vacation. I always make it to the destination, but I never make it to relaxation.

My subconscious is definitely tormented.

~Louise C.
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

WeezyCaze Knits - Baby Blanket

A friend of mine had a baby boy five months ago and was way overdue for a present from me (bad Louise). Last week a suggested field trip to Michael’s with a friend was the perfect opportunity to pick up some supplies and finally make that gift.

I’ve always shied away from making blankets due to the enormous amount of work it seemed to entail, but this blanket took less than a week to make and was not at all tedious because I was able to knit while watching television.

I absolutely love the finished product so much that I almost want one for myself. It’s so plush, warm and cozy! Another reason why I love this blanket is because it is big enough to grow with the baby. He can use it as he grows into a toddler and his parents can also borrow it from him if, and only if, he allows them to.



The name label adds a nice, personal touch. 

I’m lazy with patterns so I didn’t follow one. I just looked at pictures of blankets and made a pattern up in my head. I’ll share my pattern with those of you who knit. This is a super easy project for beginners.

And as the hustler that I am, I am selling ‘made to order’ baby blankets on Etsy.

Now that I know I can make blankets, I plan on making many more. I have at least two other friends whom I owe blankets for their babies and I’m looking forward to the projects.

MATERIALS:
5 balls of super chunky yarn (I used Loops & Threads Cozy Wool)
US #13 needles (14 inch long or circular)

THE PATTERN:
Cast on 60 stitches.
Knit seven rows to create garter stitch border.
Knit 4, purl 52, knit 4 until you reach the desired length that you would like the blanket to be.
To close off the border knit in the garter stitch for 7 rows and bind off on the 8th row.

For tips on how to add color and weave in the ends, check out the links below:

Adding color:

Weaving in ends:

Happy knitting!
~Louise C.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Burgers NYC


On Valentine’s night, while everyone was packing themselves into restaurants like sardines; or waiting outside in the cold for a table to free up, Edward and I took refuge in the near empty and QUIET New York Burger Co..

No matter how hungry I am, I never ever manage to finish a burger. Thankfully New York Burger Co. has a mini burger option (above) which was perfect for me! And although their sauce bar looked inviting, I wasn’t feeling adventurous that night so I stuck to regular old ketchup. And best of all, they serve wiiiiiinne!

I’ve had burgers at places where the meat is unseasoned and bland, but the burgers are New York Burger Co. were tasty, juicy and muy delicioso.

There are plenty of great burger joints in New York which I haven’t yet had the pleasure of visiting.

I don’t have a ‘go to’ burger joint, but Brother Jimmy’s BBQ makes great burgers and also has that mini burger option for me. Connelly’s is an Irish pub (where you wouldn’t expect to find a good burger) and although some might not agree with me, Connolly’s makes the most amazing Incredible Lamb Burger. These burgers are not beef, but The Ainsworth makes appetizing crab cake sliders.

If you love burgers, making your own is the best way to go because you can dash and dice your ingredients to flavor your burgers to taste exactly how you like them. And if you don’t have a grill, no worries, the George Forman grill works just fine… and your burgers will be better (healthier) for you.

My favorite burgers to make are the Bordertown Burgers with Spicy Onions. This Tabasco recipe, which was recommended to me by Daisy, can also be made with ground turkey. The recipe serves four, but I make slider size portions and serve them on mini buns with sweet potato fries. Mmmm…

INGREDIENTS
  • 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
  • 1 large sweet onion, halved and thinly sliced
  • 4 tablespoons TABASCO® brand Chipotle Pepper Sauce, divided
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
  • 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
  • 1/4 cup chopped green onion
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 4 slices Monterey Jack cheese
  • 4 hamburger buns, toasted
  • Mixed baby greens

PREPARATION

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat; add onion and cook 5 minutes or until golden brown, stirring often. Stir in 1 tablespoon TABASCO® Chipotle Sauce and the Worcestershire sauce; mix well and remove from heat.

Combine ground beef, cilantro, green onion, salt and the remaining 3 tablespoons TABASCO® Chipotle Sauce; mix well and shape into 4 burgers. Grill over medium-high heat to desired doneness, about 3 minutes per side for medium-rare. Top each burger with a slice of cheese and grill just until melted. Place on buns and top with spicy onions and baby greens.

I plan on making it my business to broaden my horizons and visit at least five of the ten restaurants which were rated for having the best burgers in New York.

I’ll add Five Guys to that list because there is one near my job and I’ve heard all sorts of good stuff about their food.

Now on the Ten Best…

    25 W. Houston St.
    New York, NY 10012

    Le Parker Meridien New York
    119 W. 56th St.
    New York, NY 10019
    331 W. Fourth St.
    New York, NY 10014
    299 Bowery St.
    New York, NY 10003
    5724 Roosevelt Ave.
    Woodside, NY 11377

    548 Court St.
    Brooklyn, NY 11231

7. Mark
    33 St. Marks Pl.
    New York, NY 10003
    5 E. 51st St.
    New York, NY 10022
    Madison Square Park
    New York, NY 10010

10. Stand
      24 E. 12th St.
      New York, NY 10003

Enjoy and until next time, happy eating!

~Louise C.

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CazleyLouise
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine’s Schmalentine’s


My reason for not being a fan of Valentine's Day is because I don’t believe that love is something that should be expressed or shown just this one day. Love is ever the more meaningful and true when shared on a random day when the expression has nothing to do with a commercialized holiday.

Like the majority of the population, I used to get sucked into this day. I remember getting bent out of shape and my feelings all hurt because an ex-boyfriend bought me a Valentine's Day card but didn’t fill it out. This left me feeling all boo-hoo-hoo, but I could have spent that boo-hoo energy on something way more productive.

Valentine's Day is what you make if it and even though this holiday is romanticized, it doesn’t have to be about romance. It could simply be about the ones you love. Whether it be your parents, your friends, your children, your grandparents or siblings; Valentine's Day is valid for all of the above.

If you’re single don’t look at couples and be all ‘whoa is me’ because they have someone to go to dinner with and you don’t. I’ve learned (and am still learning) not to judge relationships from what they look like on the outside. Today might be the only day of the year that that couple you’re checking out is having dinner and if it wasn’t Valentine's Day that dinner might not be happening at all. Focus on the people you do have who love you and be happy because everyone else might not be as blessed with love as you.

So don’t take me out just today. Don’t send me flowers just today. Don’t love me just today. Do this for me any and every day.

And I am blessed that today, tomorrow and always I am and will be loved.

Wishing you LOVEly days and plenty!

~Love Louise

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CazleyLouise
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

Monday, February 6, 2012

Resolutions for Baibe

This Saturday I spent a good amount of time watching the ‘My Cat From Hell’ marathon. Although I am a cat mom, I refrain from anything that would classify me as a cat lady. This includes watching TV shows about cats. I love watching ‘The Dog Whisperer’ but just seeing the word ‘cat’ in the ‘My Cat From Hell’ title deterred me from watching it.

Although it couldn’t be further from the truth for some, people who have cats are associated with knitting, hoarding and having cobwebs on their vaginas; because if you have a cat you couldn't possibly have a man. And if you are a man with a cat, then you certainly have a vagina where your penis should be.


Dog owners are associated with coolness, couples and children that were created from said ‘cool couple’ engaging in sexual activity that cat owners don’t engage in.
 
The only reason I ended up watching the show is because of Edward and his channel surfing habit. “Weezy!” he called from the living room, “You need to watch this. You could learn a few things to help the fat cat.” I gave him a dirty look as I sat down (she’s not fat, she’s just…curvy).


After watching a few episodes, I actually learned so much that I ended up making a list for Baibe who I thought was a hopeless cause in some areas. (For those of you who aren't familiar with Baibe, she’s my cat and my first born child, even though I wasn’t the one who gave birth to her.) 
 
The first item on my list was Buy Baibe Teaser Toy.

In every single episode the host Jackson solved most of the cat’s issues with this magic toy. It brought guards down and created bonds between humans and antisocial cats; and Baibe can be extremely antisocial.

It served as an exercise and weight lose mechanism; and Baibe needs to lose weight. When you are active, you look and feel better about your life and yourself. Exercise releases endorphins, which serves for a happier person... and apparently serves for a happier cat. Also cats are hunters and this toy enables Baibe to do what she was meant to be doing instead of lounging on the couch all day.

This toy can also be used to distract Baibe and coax her out of her hallway spot so that my guests can get to the bathroom without fearing for their lives.

I went to the pet store in my neighborhood and bought the toy the first chance I had.

Baibe was lounging on the couch when I got home but the second I waved the teaser in front of her, her response was immediate (as it was with every single cat on the show).

My video skills aren’t as good in the first video, but you can still see the activity.

(Please excuse the messy wires in the background.)


The latter video was her second wind, which is why she's taking breaks in between, even so, I haven't seen Baibe move like that in quite some time... and it's my fault. I'm really sorry that I didn't know about this toy and its benefits sooner. Baibe and I will be using this toy everyday as Baibe could stand to lose at least three - five pounds.

Which brings me to the second item on my list: Put Baibe on a Feeding Schedule. On the weekends I like to sleep in and I don't want her waking me up so I leave her extra food. I refuse to have a cat dictate my sleeping schedule, but maybe this will prove to me that she really doesn’t eat as much I think she does. Jackson, the host and miracle worker of ‘My Cat From Hell’ informed me (yes, he was talking to me) that cats aren’t grazers so she only needs to eat twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night.

The third item on my list is Buy a Lounge Scratcher.


Baibe has a scratcher but I learned that it isn't wide enough for her. I need to buy one that is more inviting. She is pretty good about not scratching the furniture but every once in a while she does. Since I know that she's loves to put herself into boxes, I know that she will love the lounge scratcher.

The last item on my list is Brush Her. I didn't see this on the show but it's something I am bad at keeping up with and it's something she needs me to do to prevent her from getting hair balls.


I was so relieved after watching the show because, although my cat is a little crazy, she wasn't as crazy as any of the cats on that show, yet Jackson was able to reform all of them in as little as two weeks. Phew! Baibe, there is hope for you yet. 
 
The true test will be to see if the bonding exercises work with someone who is not me or Edward. 
 
Baibe will be ten this year, so here’s hoping that these changes will add years to her life.

~ Louise C.

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CazleyLouise
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Clear the Roads, Y'all. I'm a Driver!


With all of the mass transit in NYC, there isn't a real requirement for you to have a driver's license. In suburbia, most teenagers know how to drive before they turn 16, but in the city, if you never want to learn how to drive, you don’t have to because isn’t necessary.

With limited street space for parking, having a car can actually be more of a financial burden. Especially in this crowded city that’s already expensive to live in. Even so, I wanted to learn how to drive because I like to go places and I hate having to rely on others to get me there.

I don’t have a car and I don’t need one to get around so I didn’t have a real reason to learn how to drive. Learning how to drive was just something I’d had on my list for a long time. Especially since I’m an antsy person with grand ideas of adventure.

After witnessing a friend of mine suffer through several shady driving schools, I was leery of which one I should chose until my friend Clarissa (Gotta give her credit, cause I don’t want to hear no lip from her) suggested that I check out US Auto School. I bit the bullet and set up an appointment for a few driving lessons.

The experience I had with US Auto School was filled with so much care and professionalism, that it left no room for the shadiness that my friend experienced with other driving schools. The fact that they have at home pick up for your lessons also adds brownie points to their reputation.

Being that this was going to be my first time ever being the wheel, I was excited, but I was also extremely anxious. In the elevator I said a prayer that my instructor, Mr. Hamilton, would be nice and patient. I know how I am and if someone is mean and impatient, I won’t learn a thing and it will ruin the urge for me to want to learn anything.

Mr. Hamilton (who turned out to be very, very nice) put me behind the wheel immediately. “Have you ever driven before?” he asked. My booty has never even sat in a driver’s seat before… Well, maybe when I was about four-years-old and I would play ‘pretend driving’ in my daddy’s car, but that’s not what he was asking.

“Oh, no! Why me?” He chuckled to himself. “I’m getting all of the first timers today.”

He calmly talked me through adjusting my mirrors, the difference in the gear shifts, the difference between the two pedals at my feet (Yeah, those are important).

“Can I use my right foot for the right pedal and my left foot for the left pedal?”

“No!”

Then the told me to turn the wheel all the way to the left and take my foot off the break…

“Um, now?”

“Yes, now.”

“Now?”

“Well, no. Not anymore, you took too long. Now, there is a bus coming. After that bus passes us….”

“That big bus behind us…?”

Mr. Hamilton and I spent and hour and a half together and in that short amount of time he taught me how to drive him around my neighborhood, how to parallel park and how to do a three point turn.

“An hour and a half ago, you couldn’t drive and now look at you!” Mr. Hamilton said when I pulled up to my building at the end of the lesson. I squealed and gave him a big hug.

I had a fantabulous experience learning how to drive mostly because Mr. Hamilton was AMAZING!! He was calm, patient and extremely encouraging. He only got excited when necessary. Like during my second lesson when he told me to make a right turn and I didn’t turn the wheel all the way to the right and ended up blocking traffic in the intersection. “TURN THE WHEEL!! YOU HAVE CARS BEHIND YOU!!”

The thing that surprised me about myself was that I never got nervous. Those cars could wait or go around me. I was a student driver. It said so in big letters on the car.

Because I don’t have a car that I can practice my driving in, Mr. Hamilton and I spent many months together until he finally told me that I needed to cut the cord, stop booking lessons and just take my road test already. He’d even trusted me with his life on the highway so I trusted that he knew I was ready to take my road test.

Before scheduling the road test though, you have to sit through what I expected to be a boring ass five-hour class. Because the US Auto School office is in Brooklyn and I am in the Bronx, I scheduled my five-hour class with The Six Step Formula Driving School being that it was in walking distance.

Mr. Figueroa, the owner of The Six Step Formula Driving School, began his class by saying, “I’m sure you were all told that you had to sit through a boring five-hour class, but you’re in for a big surprise!!”

Instead of letting us sit and watch videos all day, Mr. Figueroa mixed up his class by interacting with us and acting out different scenarios which engaged us and made the class much more interesting than I expected. I wouldn’t want to sit through that class again, but Mr. Figueroa’s way of teaching actually made the class fun.

Now, that I had my five-hour certificate, I could schedule my road test. My first road test was an absolute disaster. I completely blanked out from nervousness and didn’t do anything that the road test instructor asked me to do. My second try was much better, but I still failed.

By the time my third road test came around, this past Monday, I was completely over it. If it wasn’t for all of the money I had spent on lessons I would have given up. There was no real reason for me to do this anyway. It’s not like I even have a car to drive. I’m wasting my vacation days on this road test biz… I had such a bad attitude, but I forced myself to change my mindset in hopes of passing the road test this time.

I read an article which suggested that if you have something that you think of as a good luck charm, that you should bring it with you when you go on a job interview. Something happens to you psychologically when you have your good luck charm on you which makes you exude confidence and positivity resulting in you landing the job.

I don’t have nor do I believe in good luck charms, but still, I put on some makeup, spritzed on some perfume and told myself in the mirror, “When you look good you feel good. When you smell good you feel good and when you feel good, good things happen for you.” And then I prayed. I also took note that this day was a sunny day and my pervious road tests took place on rainy days. I decided to use the sun as a mental good luck charm.

Feeling good about looking and smelling good on a sunny day must have worked, because this time, I PASSED!!! Maybe the third time really is the charm.

Road test instructors are rude and mean, (I don’t understand why they have to be because they can be still be nice and fail you.) but this time I ended up with one who actually smiled and asked how I was doing before getting into the car with me. Her pleasant attitude might have also contributed to me doing well even though I was still nervous. But who cares, I GOT MY DRIVER’S LICENSE!

Where am I going with my driver’s license? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll frame it and hang it in my hallway because I’m scared as shit to drive a car by myself.

I wonder if US Auto School will allow me to hire Mr. Hamilton to sit in the car with me whenever I decide to drive somewhere. I know that’s not really allowed, but I wish it were. Either way, Mr. Hamilton already warned me not to call him for any more lessons and I can’t promise that I won’t. He doesn’t scare me! Driving without him in the car scares me.

Ugh, I don’t even know how to put gas in the car! All things I will learn eventually, I guess.

Anyway (think positive!), to becoming a safe, confident driver… and hopefully a few road trips to come!

~Louise C.

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CazleyLouise
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Flying the Nest

In this blog, I might come across as a bit of a judgmental a-hole. Just a warning. But I’m not a complete a-hole because I recognize that my opinions are just opinions and not necessarily the way things have to be. I also might get my ass kicked for this blog because I am using people I love as examples to prove my point. Just be ready for a fight if you come after me because I aint going down without one!

I moved out on my own when I was nineteen-years-old for reasons that are revealed in Falling into Place; reasons which I am really considering talking about on this blog. My only hesitation is that what I put on the internet stays on the internet forever and I want to remain on the good terms I’ve finally obtained. Long story…

Anyway, there is something that happens to you when you live on your own. You look at the world in a completely different way. You become a survivor, a warrior who fights to make the impossible become possible for you.

Once I flew the nest, moving back in with my mother was out of the question! I just knew that I had to make this work.

At the time I was working part-time at the Gap and my paycheck was absolutely flaky. This part-time pay was my only income which I stretched to cover everything I needed; barely. Today I look back and wonder how the hell I did it. Although at times I had to search under my bed and dig into couch cushions looking for change so that I could buy a Metrocard, I always had money for the rent and I always had food to eat.

Today, less and less people believe in God, but there is so, so much more to this story that makes me making it to where I am today nothing short of a miracle.

A friend helped me to find a room to rent. I wasn’t making what the landlord required to rent a room in his house, but for miraculous reasons, he lowered the rent to a number he knew I would be able to afford. I think my rent for the room was $380 a month with utilities included. There was no cable, there was no internet, and there was no cell phone. Just me, my television with fuzzy channels and my home phone.

Living on your own, you acquire an unshakeable independence and determination that no one can take away from you. Sometimes I think that I am too independent and it gives people the impression that I don’t need them. And I won’t ask for help because I’m on some sort of power trip fueling my ego; patting myself on the back all the way. I am needy, I just don’t exude neediness less someone think I need them. It’s a very sick game I like to play with myself.

Another reason for my independence is because my mom made me that way. I’m totally against the outrageous amount of chores that she gave me to do which sometimes interfered with my schoolwork, but in the end, it’s what helped me to become a strong woman.  

Now that I’ve given a little bit of background about myself, I’ll begin with my judgmental opinions.

There are adults in my life that I love dearly, from the bottom of my heart, who lived at home much longer than they should have. There is such a difference in the way they see the world and they way they handle their lives from the way people who left home at an earlier age handle their lives.

From the age of ten, my mom began giving me chores to do. For example, (a gross example, I apologize) I once made the mistake of eating mangoes and drinking milk at the same time. Needless to say, the two didn’t go together in my stomach…and they don’t go together outside of the stomach either.

Sitting on my bed, I felt queasy. I knew I was going to barf, and as I barfed all over my sheets, I just knew my mom was going to clean it up for me, because up until that point she had done everything for me; especially when I was sick. But this time, when I called out for my mom to help me, she handed me a roll of paper towels and said, “You knew you were going to be sick and you could have gotten up and gone to the bathroom, but you didn’t. You clean it up.” This was the beginning of me learning how to do things for myself.

Part of the reason for my mom’s ‘it’s time to grow up’ lesson came from the fact that a baby had recently been added to the mix so she had to stop treating me like one.

As I got older the chores became more complicated and consuming. It was difficult; like having a job and trying to balance high school at the same time. I was exhausted! One of the two had to give so school became number two on my priority list. Who makes their child put chores before their education?? I certainly did not have a normal upbringing. It’s a miracle that I graduated on time.

Although I don’t plan on doling out the same amount of chores to my children when they exist, I will give them chores; just not as strenuous. Having such a heavy amount of chores made me self sufficient and I take pride in the fact that I can do almost anything on my own.

A friend of mine, was never given chores and as someone who has had about 90% of everything done for her in her life, she is a different kind of human being (ahem, princess). Because she’s had everything done for her, she believes that she can’t do certain things and most of the time, she doesn’t even try. A task as simple as going to the supermarket becomes impossible to her because she doesn’t know how to get the groceries from the supermarket to her home. Why? Because she believes that she can’t carry them by herself.

It’s the same as with someone who has the highest paying job you can imagine. Because their assistant does everything for them, they can't manage the simple task of figuring out how to work the copy machine. It’s as if a section of the brain stops working when people have too much aid. I feel like the same kind of mental shut down happens when grownups live at home for too long.

Living at home doesn’t give you a real idea of what it is to be an adult. I don’t care how many bills you pay on your own or if your parents no longer question you about what time you will be home. There is a window in which you should leave the nest. I believe it’s before you turn thirty. If you miss that window of opportunity to leave the nest, you run the risk of being a little spoiled / stunted by the comforts of being surrounded by your family on a day to day basis. It inhibits you mentally and socially.

The fact that you haven't detached your umbilical cord affects the relationships you have outside of your family. It limits your ability to function on your own as an individual. You lose touch with society and become unable to make decisions about your life because you are always afraid of being by yourself or you always second guess your decisions for fear of disappointing those around you.

I try not to be judgmental, but I’m not perfect. I know what its like to be judged (a blog in the making) and it just makes me feel like whoever is judging me believes that they are better than me. So who am I to say when adults should stop living at home?

I have a lot of friends, and I have seen the result of adults staying at home with their parents play out repeatedly with both men and women so I'm not talking about one gender specifically. There is a definite double standard so it’s more forgivable when a woman lives at home until she gets married.  

Like I said, who am I to be the ‘move out by thirty’ police? But I've seen adult’s brains shut down and their lives come to a halt due to the fact that they missed the window of opportunity to gain their independence. By missing the window, they stop striving for the goals they used to have and they begin to exist in their lives instead of live their lives.

I'm not American, but I was raised in America making me mostly American. I understand that certain cultures like Latin and Indian families for example, don't force their kids to leave home. They want to keep their families together so the children are encouraged to live at home for as long as they want. Having a family situation that doesn’t force you to move out by a certain age is great! If I didn't have to move out, who knows when I would have left. (Well I'm kind of strong willed and I've never been someone who could be contained, so even if I didn't leave home when I did, I probably would have left shortly after.) But in a sad observation, I’ve seen what happens to adults who still live at home past the age of thirty. They begin to wither away as they try to please everyone around them. Living at home, your family members expect things from you and the longer you live there, the higher the expectations become. It just stifles you from doing what you should be doing; what you want to do for your own life as an individual… and you never truly… grow up.

I have a friend who repeatedly tried to move out, but each time she tried, her mom gave her a severe guilt trip so my friend wasn’t able to move out until she got married. It would have benefited her to live on her own, even for a year.

One of the side effects of her not living on her own (I believe) is that she has a hard time dealing with dilemmas. When problems come her way, she allows the problem to handle her instead of her handling the problem. Sometimes an issue is very small, but it becomes bigger to her than it should be. She crumples under the slightest amount of stress. She is so much stronger than she thinks she is and she has proven this to herself plenty of times. I believe that if she had taken the opportunity to live on her own, she would realize how much stronger she is than she believes.

In the past, men who lived at home with their parents were never a deal breaker for me. I had a male friend who lived at home but it didn’t stop him from having functioning, serious relationships so I never gave ‘dating men who live at home’ a second thought.

When I met a young gent who still lived at home with his parents, a male friend of mine warned me not to get involved with someone who still lived at home, but I was too naïve and I didn’t listen…. But after the experience I had, I will never date a man who still lives with his parents ever again.

A man could be temporarily living with his parents because he got laid off or because he just bought a house and is having it renovated before he moves in, but based on the experience I had, I will run away immediately.

At the time, though, walking away from the man who lived with his parents is not what I did. Love got in the way, clouded my brain and made me do the exact opposite; and I learned a painful lesson.

When a man lives with his family, you as the woman will never be number one. There will always be someone to compete with and when there is a blood line involved, the woman on the outside of the blood line will never win. A man can’t focus on making you number one if he hasn't completely severed his umbilical cord.

Women don’t seem to have a problem making their man number one regardless of whether they still live with their parents or not. Wonder why that is…

And that male friend of mine with the ‘functioning serious relationships’ finally moved into his own place, but he is single today and has been single for a long time… My theory is that he took too long to leave the nest. If your family members are the only people you socialize with, it affects the way you socialize and relate to those outside of your family…. I’m no sociologist; I’m just an opinionated mind going by what I have observed.

There is an exception to all of my opinions, and like I said, who the hell am I to say what the acceptable age is to leave home? There are many reasons why people remain living with their parents for longer periods of time, especially in this day and age with people getting laid off left and right. If your parents respect your space, your life and respect you as an adult, why leave home??? Stay there and save your loot so that you can put your money into owning a house instead of throwing it away on renting an apartment. Had my situation been different, that’s what I would have done, but my freedom and normalcy is worth each and every cent that I have ever spent towards living on my own.

~Louise C.

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CazleyLouise
Follow me on Twitter @LouiseCazley